All I want from you is...
Mood:  don't ask
to stop asking me if I erased you from the list or not. Do I have to tell you that you have never been on that list from the first point? Please do not disturb me or oh-my-god me about my own little circle. I am too tired of juggling all the junks that I have here, my terrible landlord, you and some other racists, and this sloppy research paper.

One thing that made me happy today was that I have received some emails from people who want to sublet my room while I am away. Also, I have found several websites that were created by my dearest people in Japan.

At this moment, I am doing my first draft on my research paper. Though I knew that it should have been done by or maybe before this weekend, I was too down about shitty craps that I mentioned. Oh, silly, silly, I have to treat myself with another cup of coffee with some soy milk in it. Then, I have to rewrite another sloppy clutters.

So, GWB. W is for "Wrong", B and G are for "But sometimes it is Good"?
Funny game. Just grab him sometimes to mingle him with balls.
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

empty...so empty
Mood:  down
I was very busy during March for having my mother and my girlfriend in my tiny apartment room. We spent some nice time, and they flew back to Japan after three weeks.

Then, I had been really funny after that.
I felt like I was soo left out here alone.
I went through emotional moments.

I am still nervous about many things.
I have to find other part-time jobs to prepare for the rent for the new apartment.
I am planning to moving to a new place.
I have not decided where to live yet.
But it must be somewhere, where I can have a queen size or full-size bed matress and bigger window.
I feel sick with my living environment because my landlord is soo nosy.

About school, I am overwhelmed by the amount of work that I have to do. During weekdays, I feel like being chased. During holidays, I feel like choking myself. I added a word "discipline" into my dictionary to do better with my school work. However, taking four classes including an intense writing course and an honors class is so demanding.

At every moment when I think about the possibility of not doing well with my school work, my sight gets darker because I have no other reason to stay in New York or in this country. I got used to the atmosphere, but I find New York is not exciting. Except people, I do not like the place much. I wish if I could just enjoy another year until I finish my school.

My roommate and I went to the sculpture park near my house this afternoon.
Although it was little too chilly to have a nap, it was nice to go out for refreshment. I brought two pears, chips and salsa sauce. I think I am sooo addicted to salsa and pears. I can see myself being a broke soon because of buying too much of salsa. I have to learn how to make them by myself when I get my next payment.

My roommate read me an article in the Village Voice that explains about Kings College, a Christian college that occupys some floors in the Empire State Building. (Did you know that there is a college?)
http://www.tkc.edu/
I do not want to type everything I have read in the article, but it really pissed me off to read that students' dorms were named after "Noticable Christian Figure" such as Ronald Reagan and Margaret Hilda Thatcher. If I were a student, I would be embarrased to live in a dorm with that kind of name.
In the United States, every conservative political move have been made with religious conservativeness since Europeans started the invasion.

In Japan, there will be reforms on amendments of the Fundamental Law of Education. I am totally against that because children will recieve less financial supports, discrimination based on his/her family backgrounds, and being evaluated by their understanding and love for patriarchy ideas that the government states. Since many of cooporations (Toyota, Sony, Mitsubishi, Panasonic...too many to name!) were based on the Zaibatsu (families of the loyal families), disciplining children to worship Shintoism or patriotic ideas were the basic foundation of the rapid growth of Japanese society, especially in "Post-War" era. Now, some of those companies got together and established Japan's first boarding school in Nagoya. It is a school for boys only (that's bad!! hehe!), and the tuition costs about $33,000 per a year. The proposals for the new Fundamental Law of Education eliminated the original provision on sexism and classism. I have read the concept of the school (Kaiyo Gakuen) through the bulletin board of a parent who sent his child into the school. According to the contract rule for parents, parents must agree to give the right to protect their children to the school in any case the parents behaved in inappropriate way.
I cannot translate exactly how it sounded, but I am sure this is illegal and a lot of parents got blinded to sign the contract because they are happy to take the privilege of making their children the top elites.
The picture of naked boys shows a typical scene from a school event in Japan. The pic has nothing to do with Kaiyo.
If you want to know more about Kaiyo, here is the English site of the school. Enjoy!
http://www.kaiyo.ac.jp/index_e.html
Or the japanees version show a lot more info.
http://www.kaiyo.ac.jp/

At the same time, in public schools, the Board of Education has been lowering the academic level of the textbook for last 15 years. I read the textbooks of my ex's daughter and was very surprised how thin and empty the books were. As Jonathan Kozol wrote in "Savage Inequalities", there will be more gap between the rich and poor in many nations.

As a person who foresee this coming dark age for children, I think how can ordinary people can take the advantage of the revised amendment of the Fundamental Law of Education. We must be able to protect ourselves and children by finding loopholes and getting extra resources. Because my parents and I independently had been through alternatives, I do not feel totally lost, but I cannot be optimistic about any situation at anywhere.

Geckay-eh!
I forgot to update the link for my menstration art blog.
Please check this out!
Geckay-eh!

"30 years of Sisterfood"
2 weeks ago, when I was having cups of soy latte with my broaken-hearted friend(She did not do anything wrong, but her ex stereotyped her and ignored her in terrible ways, good for her to left him!) in an independent educational bookstore Bluestockings Bookstore, I saw a Japanese woman who dyed her short hair like a panther. I thought I met her once in the bar in Tokyo, where I served as a host and named the day "Umi-Night". I talked to her and I found out that we have not met before, but we got involved with the same place.
Her name is Swing-Masa, a saxophone player who have been living in New York for last 18 years, touring in the US and in Japan. She was distributing flyers about a movie "30 years of Sisterfood". The movie is one of the films that I wanted to see last year. I was not there in Japan when the movie came out, but the title stuck in my brain since I am interested in connecting different small alternative groups of Women's movement in Japan.
The film and several people who made film are touring the US, and they are screeening and panel disucssioning in the NYC this weekend.
I have not seen the film yet, but I will definitly be there in both LGBT center and Bluestockings Bookstore and see what reaction would people have toward this interesting circle of Japanese women.

The infor below were forwaded from MASA, please check out the website!
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Thu Feb.16 2006 7:00pm
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender
Community Center $10
208 W.13th St. bet 7th & 8th Tel: 212-620-7310
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sun Feb.19 2006 7:00pm
Bluestockings Books $10
172 Allen Street NYC Tel: 212-777-6028
1 block south of Houston and 1st Avenue bet Stanton and Rivington
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Reason why I would like to have this event; Hello! My name is MASA and I'm coordinator of this project. I am a Japanese female saxophonist. I had not seen a professional woman saxophonist when I started it about 30 years ago in Japan. I received a big influence from the movement of Women lib when I was 20 years old. The Influence let me decide to be a Jazz saxophonist easily. This film is a documentary based on the stories of twelve women who lived the Women's Liberation movement in Japan in the 1970s. Its creation was motivated by a desire to tell what the “women's liberation movement” was, to see the road they cultivated and where it was heading.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
English http://sisterhoodjapan.blogspot.com/
Japanese http://sisterhood.exblog.jp/
Inquiry: E-mail SwingMASA@aol.com Tel & Fax 212-722-3753


Please join us for the screening followed by a panel discussion of 30 Years of Sisterhood

30 Yeras of Sisterhood US Tour Schedule:
2/10 University of Chicago (US Premiere)
2/11 University of Iowa
2/12 Grinnell College
2/15 Yale University
2/16 Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center/NYC
2/17 Boston College
2/19 Bluestocking Books/NYC
2/21 University of Michigan
2/23 University of Minnesota
2/24 Uni. Minnesota
2/27 University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign
2/28 Washington University in St. Louis
Special Screening and Panel Discussion
30 Years of Sisterhood
Women in the 1970s Women's Liberation Movement in Japa
Dir by Chieko Yamagami & Noriko Seyama, Documentary: 57 min. 2004
*Panelists from Japan ; Chieko Yamagami (Filmmaker) ?Noriko Seyama (Filmmaker)
Yoko Akiyama(Professor of Chinese /Women's Studies, Surugadai University)
Yumi Doi (Writer)Soko Miki (Professor of English /Women's Studies, Kyoto Seika University) Satoko Woolala (Filmmaker)
*Panelist from New York; Keith Vincent (Assistant Professor of East Asian Studies/NYU/16th)Yuriko Yamaki (Journalist/19th)
*Interpreter; Yuko Ohnaka(16th), Noriko Matsumoto (19th)
*Opening Performance; Swing MASA (Jazz Saxophonist)

Skype Me!
Mood:  chatty
It is pretty amazing that my gf and I have been talking about skyping, but never went for it. She is tooo shy, and I could not push her, but it is very hard for me to buy pre-paid phone cards all the time.
So, I made a move today, still not a check-mate, but I got a headset, and I am ready to chat.
Skype me if you are bored. I dunno if I will answer, but my id is "amnioticfluid"!

BTW, you may did not know that I am a big Blondie fan, here is a photo of Debbie Harry and Chris Stein kissing on subway.

I'm not there yet
Mood:  cheeky
Thanks for people who called me today for celebrating my birthday...but it is not my birthday yet!
My birthday is Feb 23rd.
I was born on the same date that the son of Japanese emperor was born. So, my birthday is gonna be one of the "national holiday"s when the emperor dies. I hope that the members of the loyal family should be all freed from being fucking "symbol", and live some normal lives and we can get rid of the stupid and scary imperial system! I do not want to see no Hinomaru (So-called "the national flag of Japan", ewwwe!!) on my birthday.
Whenever I tell somebody when my birthday is, people say "Oh, so it is gonna be a national holiday soon!", well, I hope it will never happen. Don't even mention about it if you love me! :9

<-- Do not consume these stupid stuff without knowing the meaning of the Japanese letters.
Even if you do agree with the system of imperiarism that preserves Japanese society patriarchy/ patriotic/ arrogant, you would be embarrased to buy these little things without knowing the meanings.
So, I teach you how to read and how do I think about it.
From the right
1. "Tou-kon" = fighting spirit
2. "Ni-hon" = Japan
3. "Kami Kaze" = The Wind of the God = is the name for soldier units who were brainwashed or forced to be on airplanes (or whatever) to attack the enemies. Kamikazes were expected to waste their lives for the holy shitty imperial country.
4. "Ryu" = dragon = maybe I won't be mad if you wear this one. Dragons are cool and have nothing to do with war.
5. "Ichi ban" = No.1 = It is okay, but it still has Hinomaru inside, and it just reminds me of all the stupid things. What would you feel if Germans were still using the Nazi flag? Please, there are so many other beautiful things from Japan than Hinomaru! This is soo fucking ugly!
6. "Matsuri" = festival = the small blue dot print is our traditional pattern called "mame shibori", and there is no harm with this one, yeah, go on party!
7. "Hissyo" = Winning = Many students wear these bandannas before they take exams for schools, but well, heads should be relaxed...

There are so many beautiful bandannas available if you go to Japan, especially in Asakusa, Tokyo. I am always impressed by how Japanese try to put art and elements of the nature in Japan into small bandannas. You can find Hinomaru bandannas at the airport, but for me it is very offensive and disappointing when foreigners wear them so proudly to show off that they went to Japan without having any sense about Asian history or the relationships nowadays among Asian countries.

Undercover Agent in Fur Snares a Fake Veterinarian
Undercover Agent in Fur Snares a Fake Veterinarian
By MICHAEL BRICK(New York Times)
Published: February 9, 2006
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/09/nyregion/09vet.html?8hpib

The place was New York City. Crime was the dish of the day, and the main course was injury to an animal with a side of petty larceny. The victim was Burt. Burt was a Boston terrier. He was about to find a friend who looked more like a foe.

The case unraveled over six months, with an indictment this week. The details spilled from court documents and interviews with investigators and Burt's owner, Raymond Reid.

For four years, Burt had been under the care of Steven Vassall, 28, an unemployed lab technician who styled himself a licensed veterinarian. Mr. Vassall gave Burt vaccinations and heartworm treatments and sometimes boarded him. Mr. Reid liked Mr. Vassall. Mr. Vassall made house calls.

Mr. Reid left for vacation in August, but he got an urgent call from Mr. Vassall. Burt was in a bad way. Burt had swallowed a foreign object. Burt was going to die.

Mr. Reid came home and said he wanted to see Burt. Mr. Vassall let Burt out of the car and drove away. Burt had an open wound along his abdomen, and he was licking the blood.

Mr. Vassall sent Mr. Reid a bill for $985. Mr. Reid called the Brooklyn district attorney.

The district attorney, Charles J. Hynes, put his top investigators on the case. Rackets Division. Senior people. A sting was arranged. An apartment was wired. But this mousetrap was all spring and no cheese.

Carol Moran was working a steady 9 to 5 in the district attorney's office. She had 22 years on the job. For this case, she was going to need a sidekick. That's where Fred came in.

Fred was the strong, silent type with no place to come in out of the rain. He was an alley cat from the streets of Brooklyn, long and lean with thick black stripes. Ms. Moran took a shine to him right away. She adopted him from Animal Care and Control.

Fred never asked to be a hero, but he needed work. And neutering. Mr. Vassall agreed to end Fred's sex life for $135. Last Friday, he picked up Fred and the payment. Fred was in a carrying case. The payment was in cash.

Mr. Vassall was charged with unauthorized veterinary practice, criminal mischief, injuring animals and petty larceny. He was free on bail but could not be reached; his phone was disconnected. His lawyer, Royce Russell, declined to comment.

The victim was stitched up. The hero wore a badge to meet the news media. His big green eyes looked past a dozen TV cameras. A dozen camera operators made kissy noises.

A tabloid reporter asked the district attorney a tabloid question.

"This is the first, Nance," Mr. Hynes said. "First undercover cat."

Then Fred took a nap in the corner. Tomorrow was another day. His owner said neutering was still in the works.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I sought for this article from Today's New York Times because these pics below were on top of Asahi News Paper online(One of the major news papers in Japan). I think it is very peaceful to see a cat on top of the paper. I love cats, but I am sure Fred should be retire than ending up his sex life!(Well, I do agree that cats in urban cities should be fixed by responsible owners.)

Gee, Double Eww Bushes
Mood:  a-ok
I am thinking about colouring my hair under arms and also my pubic hair. It is interesting that many of women in Western countries shave their pubic hair. In Japan or in many of other Asian countries, people are taught to shave their hair under arms when we were civilized by Western culture. I do not know how was it before. Since I have black hair, I need to dye it first, like bleaching it, and then put some colours on it. Maybe deep bloody red under the left arm, and pale bright green under the right one. Or do they seem kinda Christmas? Then I won't. About my pubic hair, I like both shaving and let it grow. It is nice to have or see some bush here and there becaue they must be there for some reason. Plus, I know many women who grow their hair play with their pubic hair while they went to toilet without anything to read.
I have to thank my Icelander friend who taught me that is is "pubic hair", not "public hair". :-)

Taboos are so different between here and there. Abortion is not a big issue to get a chair of the Prime Minister, because most of people agree with the idea of not having babies if parents cannot afford. I think that is very reasonable before we talk about the eggs that are floating in the fluid. I really do wonder why people have to bring "God" into it. Ask your wallet, tax papers, partners, bosses, friends, parents or any other environment and the government. But if the government quotes things from that antique book, then there would be no way.
Since my mother is a Christian, and I had been serving for the children's programmes in a local church in Japan for last 4 years, I do respect people who belong to religions. Though, I think politics and religions must be separated because I believe that most of religions came from the same place, or to achieve the same place. I think they have been always seeking for universal peace since they began and there is not many ways to argue against.

I also do not understand the issue about breastfeeding either. My father used to mentioned how Americans and some Europeans are conservative about the breastfeeding. I thought that he was generalizing too much, because he talked to me about that when I was 6. But I read an article about the protest against Star bucks in a feminist magazine Off Our Back, and I learned that my father was right.
http://www.parentsaction.org/learn/features/breastfeeding/

I emphatically believe that...
Babies need to eat in clean places, not in dirty bathrooms.
Mothers are not showing breasts in public for fun or to seduce others.
Other perverts can just hold it until they go home and masturbate.

Happy New Year!
Mood:  energetic
I went Japan for vacation from Dec 20th to January 3rd. Yes, I just came back from my own land the day before yesterday. How was it? I felt sooo happy because I did not waste any time with bull shits, but instead I met my boss, my family, and my girlfriend! They are the people who alway encourage me to survive and make this world colourful, Hallelujah! I could not do many things nor meet many of my friends simply because I caught a cold right after I got there. I kissed my gf and passed my virus to her, and then she gave it back to me! So, we spent 3 days and 4 nights in my bed, and my mom took care of us. Last time when I went back to Japan in August, it was such an ethical dilemma that I could not spend my time with both of my gf and my parents at the same time. My parents loves my gf and my gf loves my parents. But they had different things to do, and our houses are 1 hour and half away from each other. So when I go to my gf's, I really had to stay their few nights, and I had to go back to my house because I need some cash(I don't even have a cell phone back there!). I felt so awkward and irritated. My gf and my mom told me that I should not be frustrated about that, but I was, I really was. But this time, we caught a cold at the same time in my house, and that was really convenient for everyone of us to see each other being happy everyday. I did not forget to stop at the church also. People from the church were soo nice, children were lovely as usual, and I did not see the old man who always call me "Imo(potato=it's a name calling but he thinks it is okay because I am fat and butch, screw him!)".
I was able to shop what I wanted. I was able to rent cds that I wanted. I was able to cook for whom I love. I was able to meet my grandfather in Setagaya and dearest aunts and uncle in Kashima too.
I have not updated my JPN website yet, so some people just guessed that I broke up with my gf, but we did not break up or down(BTW am terribly sorry for those of you who were brokenhearted at the very end of 2005. I heard 7 couples were separated, what happened to you all?). Since we (literally) sleep together enough, I felt very warm and comfortable. We had small conflicts this year, but they always happened about a month before we see each other. I assume they must be from my irritation for not seeing her. But now I know how to cope for a while, and stay in love with who I love. I am worried about not seeing her at all until August, but I think it will be all right.

So, how was Japan? Well, I was terrified to see people were crazy for shopping in Shibuya, Tokyo, especially. I mean, it was just like back in late 1980s when everybody (even including a 6 years old me!) was tasting so much of bubbles while Japanese economy was temporally sparkling. I was wearing rabbit fur jacket, French-made socs, and listening to Lady Smith Black Mambazo! But since early 1990s, Japanese economic power decreased and the bubbles blew away. People started saving, tons of sighs, and it had been like that for more than a decade. I felt like it was getting worse and worse and worse. And it really got worse, and I do not feel anything has changed better. Our fucked up Prime Minister always tries to remain the profits of the big family companies that should have been vanished long time ago. Consequently, ordinary citizens suffer with severe debts and it became more than pain in the ass, it seemed like pain on everybody's nose. However, when I went to Shibuya in December, I felt exactly like when I was rich. I saw people shopping like crazy and I saw people who purchased luxurious furniture and gourmet food delivery(You should know that we are not very used to deliver food, because we know how to cook!). This phenomenon struck me and it made me had an impression that people just gave up to think in the way they had been doing. It was like watching "Koyaanisquatsi"(It's a name of a movie, and means "imbalanced chaotic world" in Hopi tribe language in North America. They predicted that "black liquid" will ruin humans's future!). They were tired of coping & saving & not getting anything. They started using their money like Americans. This is very dangerous and we cannot just make up that fucked up imagination. I hope they all have studied American History with me in the same classroom last semester. Anyway, people shop and invest stock market these days. I heard about it, but I felt that it is becoming really non-sense. I was just shocked and sick, so I did not take many photos, anyways.